Let Go & Breathe

Last week, my dad sent me this video from Hot Mom’s Club. It showed some very beautiful women sharing their beautiful advice to young women as they tackle this crazy world. It was precisely what I needed as a world full of possibilities swam around my head and what stood behind the chaos was unknown.

I finished school in the spring and since then, I’d been given the incredible opportunity to work at the humane society for the summer. Each day, I was surrounded by passionate people and lovable animals. I was happy.

As September drew closer and closer, I knew my time there was running out, and soon I’d be out on the hunt for my next big career move…or my first career move…or just a move. In my head I envisioned my dreams being put on hold while I waitressed my life away. At least I did always want to try my had at waitressing. I immediately began sending out resumés, talking to everyone I know and actively searching for what to do next.

That’s when my dad came in to save the day and sent me that amazing video.

There is so much pressure in the world these days. Pressure to find someone, be successful, be perfect. I fell claim to those pressures and found myself worrying that failure is more easily come by than success.

So… I took the advice of some very wise women and I let go. I let go of the worry that even if I try, I’ll fail (it doesn’t work like that by the way, our parents were right). After that, I began trying because I wanted to. I wanted to be passionate about the work I do, the life I live.

Days later, on what is my last day at the humane society, I leave with great sadness. Leaving behind a place that filled me with passion, inspiration and drive. But tomorrow, ah tomorrow, I begin a new journey as a step onto the grounds of a place I called home for eight years; no longer as a student, but as an employee. I don’t know how long I’ll be there, but I know that it will help shape who I am, in some way or another.

As I sit here reflecting, I’ve realized something. All the time I spent worrying, of mindlessly putting out resumés and applying for jobs that looked amazing but my heart wasn’t in, was time wasted. It was time where my passion had long been lost and forgotten. When the worry was gone, and I let go, all my passion came flooding back and I remembered why I’m here in the first place; what inspired me to be who I am.

Sometimes, letting go means gaining back what you lost. Be it a part of yourself or something else all together.

Take it from me… let go.

This Is Not Okay

I try my very best to be positive whenever I can. It’s a big reason I’m where I am today. Focusing on the good and not the bad.

But today, I am livid.

Not angry, not upset, but livid.

I just read the most offensive, ridiculous and unnecessary article to ever grace the internet and the world of mental health. Even though it was posted a year ago, it’s catching fire once again.

This completely inappropriate article is titled “9 Signs Your Mental Illness Is Made Up For Attention” on ThoughtCatalog.

It lays out the 9 signs that people living with a mental illness use it to get attention, as an excuse and among other things, a way to seem above everyone else.

You know it has to be offensive when the article is flagged as abusive by those who have read it.

Yes, some people exaggerate… throw terms around when they don’t truly know what they even mean. But there are people in this world who live and struggle every single day of their life.

1 in 5 Canadians alone suffer from a DIAGNOSED mental illness. I highly doubt that many people are faking it. This isn’t the cold you faked to get out of 6th grade gym class.

It isn’t okay to make claims about those suffering with a mental illness when you’ve never experienced a panic attack, or felt the crippling effects of depression. This article was clearly written from someone who has never felt such pain.

I have felt this pain. It doesn’t make me better than any one else. It isn’t an excuse to get out of plans or stay in bed. I don’t share my stories for attention or sympathy. I am no different than anyone else.

People making these claims and assumptions are the reasons those suffering with a mental illness face judgement in so many aspects of their lives. It is the reason why progress isn’t progressing quite like it should.

I needed to get that out, needed to do my part to fight back against those with such a negative view of so many in this world.

But now that that’s out of my system, I do have some positivity to share.

The comments.

205 comments.

Some of which side with the foolish slander typed on a computer screen.

But many of which display true courage and compassion when facing people who refuse to accept that which they don’t understand.

It is the people who are willing to stand up for what they believe in, for what they feel, what they know to be true, that I gain my strength from. These people fighting back inspire me.

To all those standing up. Thank you for making the world a better place.

Stay strong, stay beautiful,

Kenzie

No Matter Where You Go, You Are Never Alone

I survived 40 days with 40 strangers, traveling across 20 different cities, in 10 different countries. To say I was ready to come home is probably an understatement; but to say it was the trip of a lifetime is probably an understatement too.

I landed back on Canadian soil last Sunday, and now that a week has passed and the jet leg has finally ceased to exist in my life, I’m finally ready to share with you what this trip has taught me.

This trip was never just a vacation for me. It was never meant to be spring break on steroids. It was a chance to prove that I could push myself and not only survive, but thrive, all while experiencing a part of the world I may not have otherwise seen.

Reflecting upon the trip as a whole, I realized that while the trip wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, it was everything I needed.

This trip pushed me to my limits. It took me out of my comfort zone and threw all sorts of obstacles my way. I dealt with OCD, anxiety, drama and culture shock. Attempting to dodge all of these obstacles while trying to absorb all of the culture around me was difficult, but I managed. Lucky for me, I had my family back home ready to pick up the phone whenever I called, no matter what time of night. Not to mention finding a best friend amongst the 40 that not only accepted who I was but helped me overcome and conquer my anxiety and OCD attacks whenever they showed up.

While I got exactly what I wanted from this trip – proof that I am strong enough to make it on my own, push the limits, and come out on top – I reached that point in a way I wasn’t expecting.

I thought in order to prove my strength, I needed to do it on my own. I should have realized that just because I wasn’t in the same house as my mother, or 10 minutes away from my father, that they were still there. No matter where you are in the world, or how lonely you might feel, you are never alone. I feel so proud of myself for going on this adventure and coming out with so much gained. Just because I needed to reach out for support doesn’t make me any less strong, it merely makes me human.

I proved to myself that I can be pushed to the limit and come back even stronger. But I also learned that it’s okay to have someone there to catch you. We are stronger together than we ever are apart.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Perhaps this will inspire you to push yourself, see the world, and come back with more confidence, passion, and positivity than when you left.

If you do want to see the world like I did, visit EF College Break to see the amazing trips they have for your next great adventure.

Stay strong, stay beautiful.

Kenzie

Positivity Leads to Happiness: My Choice Between Positive and Negative Forces in My Life

  
25 days into my trip of a lifetime. Last you heard from me, I had just began my journey across Europe. And last you heard from me, my panic and anxiety attacks were wreaking havoc. I am pleased to tell you that I am surviving; thriving even. 

I thought my problem was a lack of creature comforts that I rely on when I’m at home. That was part of the problem but only part. The prevention of the attacks was my problem.

I was always taught in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that the key to making progress and getting better is prevention, not coping. I needed to find a way to relax, and enjoy my trip without allowing my attacks to be triggered in the first place.

The answer? Positivity.

You’d think I would have thought of that before hand, given my vow to remain positive and optimistic as often as I can, but it hadn’t even crossed my mind. Why? Well, because the issue wasn’t my positivity, it was the positive and negative influences that were surrounding me. 

Your surroudings can effect your emotions, just as the people around you can as well. 

I realized I had found myself with too many negative influences pushing against me, causing me to feel anxious and unsettled.  

The solution? In with the good, out with the bad.

I found someone who was a positive influence in my life, and on this trip, in every way. Her name is Holly and she became the positive influence that reminded me what good positivity can do for ones happiness.

This girl has been there for me for every good moment on this trip – gelato overload, bird whispering, long bus rides; and every bad moment – panic attacks, hospital visits, no wifi. And above all else, having a friend like her around has made this experience one filled with endless laughter and happiness.

 

Although the triggers for my OCD and panic disorders lie in waiting around every corner, knowing someone has my back takes all this weight off my shoulders. When that weight is gone, it doesn’t seem as scary anymore. 

This new found freedom has left me feeling grateful and overjoyed. Now I can truly enjoy these places that look like they’ve come straight out of a fairytale, like Austria, Germany and the Netherlands to name a few. I mean, look at these views.

 

Innsbruck, Austria

    

Neuschwanstein Castle, Germany

 

Amsterdam, Netherlands

 

So if you find yourself in a place of unhappiness, and you find nothing but positivity in yourself, take a look around you, and see if you can spot a negative influencer. 
Once spotted, rid yourself of it. You deserve nothing but happiness, negativity has no place alongside your joy.

As for me, I have two more weeks of this incredible journey left and I intend to spend every second of it in complete awe of my surroundings, taking in every experience I can get, all while keeping the negative out and the positive in.

Stay strong, stay beautiful.

Kenzie

Bon Voyage! How I Am Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone

  
I’ve been MIA, I know. I have a good reason, I swear! 35 hours I’ll been loading my suitcase into what my brother likes to call the Beige Experience (86′ Jetta) and heading off to the airport. Where am I of to? I’m heading out on a 40 day trip across Europe, thanks to EF College Break. 10 Countries, 14 stops, 40 travellers, 40 days. It’s going to be the trip of a lifetime!

 

That being said, it doesn’t quite excuse my absence. I’ve been stressed. Stress I haven’t felt in a long time. In addition to ending my internship a few weeks ago and being faced with my imminent future of unemployment (fingers crossed my skills and charming personality will dazzle some employer, somewhere), I’ve had to prepare for what’s going to be a huge challenge for me. This trip, while being a trip I will never forget, is also going to push me to my limits. My OCD and anxiety will be put to the test while I’m 7000 km from home. 

The comfort zone. No, I don’t mean the new lazy boy you just purchased. I mean the mental space we create for ourselves made up of patterns and routines that we do in everyday life that we are most comfortable with. Stepping out of your comfort zone is something encouraged often; to succeed in business, life, love, and to gain happiness that was not attainable in your comfort zone. 

I found this article on LifeHacker that explains why and how you should step out of that zone. For anyone inspired to step out of their comfort zone, I highly suggest checking it out! 

As for me, well I’m doing things a little bit different. I’ve been pushing my boundaries for many years now. Going to sports games when my anxiety doesn’t fair well in crowded places.  Or leaving 15 minutes late just to challenge myself and my OCD. Now these little tasks helped my anxiety a little bit, but they left my OCD in even more control of my life; and I was once told, in order to fight your OCD, you must challenge it. So, here I go. On a trip where time is of the essence and I am not in charge of how that time is spent. Some days I won’t have time to do my hair, sometimes the bus will run late, some how, I’ll be just fine. 

I know this trip will be a challenge for me but maybe, just maybe, it will be exactly what I need to push me farther down the road to recovery. 

I’m going to post as often as I can with what I’m sure will be hilarious and possibly thought provoking stories while I’m gone. 

But in the mean time, push yourselves. I don’t want to do it alone, and now you won’t have to either. 

Do something daring that you wouldn’t normally do (I suggest indoor skydiving, it’s a blast). 

  

Try a new restaurant. Be spontaneous. And then feel the empowerment that comes with stepping outside your comfort zone. 

                                                                                                                                                           Stay strong, stay beautiful.

                                                                                                                                                                                               Kenzie

The Semicolon Project

According to the World Health Organization, someone commits suicide every 40 seconds. What a devastating number, but together we can make that disappear.

Every April 16th, a group known as The Semicolon Project gets out to give the world a better understanding of those suffering with depression, anxiety and mental health as a whole. Their main focus is on suicide.

So every April 16th, people all over the world draw semicolon’s on arms, wrist, or what have you. Why? Well a semicolon is used when a writer could end a sentence, but chooses to continue it on.

The semicolon represents the choice made when someone struggling chooses life, instead of death.

I made that choice not too long ago, and now I wear my semicolon, permanently on my wrist as a reminder of the strength it took to make that choice, and how happy I am that I did.

Because I know how hard it was to get to where I am today, I thought I’d share some lesson’s I’ve learnt about suicide.

1. Suicide is not a joke. People love to joke about suicide. Saying someone should kill themselves when they’ve done something embarrassing or rude. I don’t care what the situation, it’s not okay. Suicide is not something you can see, and you never know who might be struggling. That joke may be the tipping point for someone, so it’s best to keep that comment to yourself.

2. Talking can save a life. I know for me, the second I had admitted what was going on in my head, I felt relief. Because then I had someone to go to. My brother is a big reason I’m still here today. So for those struggling with thoughts of suicide, talk about it. Find someone to go to. If you know someone struggling, go soemwhere, and just let them talk. Let them get it all out. You may not understand it, but that’s not what matters in this situation.

3. Life is hard, and we’re not crazy. There is no way to describe how it feels to be suicidal, much like there is no way to describe how it feels to have an anxiety attack, or to be bipolar. If you don’t have it, you won’t get it. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. So as horrific as suicide is, it doesn’t mean they’re crazy to feel that way. It doesn’t mean they’re weak. It simply means that life has dealt them a very hard hand, and they need you to support them.

Please, heed this advice. Be respectful, listen to those who are sharing their story, do your best to accept what you do not understand. You could save a life.

If you are, or know someone who is struggling, visit the Canadian Mental Health Association‘s site. It helped me understand how I was feeling and how to deal with it, and it could help you.